In love with my best friend

A best friend, someone I saw almost every day, someone I laughed with and shared memories with, almost every day. I only emphasize ‘almost every day because you have to realize just how much time him and I spent time together, this wasn’t just any friend. This was a guy who had become my closest friend, known all my secrets, helped me smile when it felt almost impossible, saw me on the great and bad days, held my hair while I was sick and puking. He saw my ugly but did not let that blur his vision or corrupt his thoughts. Now that you know a bit more on just how close him and I were you will understand this crazy love story better.

That’s not to say we were always perfect, because we weren’t. We once had our ups and downs, ended our friendship and relationship because of it but unexpectedly we reunited a couple months later and connected as friends. But that’s not the important part… Whats even relevant is the fact that this friendship came so unexpectedly.

See I once heard that the best type of love is the one that’s unexpected. In this case, I feel that was true. There was no warning and no signs of this man entering my life, but it happened and yet although it should have felt odd to have him back in my life after we split up, it wasn’t instead it was as if a part of me was whole, I’ll explain why.

It started mid January, he is my best friend and we have sat across from each other hundreds of times but yet this time being ‘best friends’ feels some what different. I look at him and feel this tingly sensation in my stomach, am I having butterflies? Do I have feelings for him? And how could I feel this way when I know him and I are just friends. I think to myself we have tried this before and it failed why would i try again, although the feeling that he was meant to be in my life for a long time and mean a lot to me didn’t go away I didnt know how to act around him after a while. One day i got the courage to face my feelings and kiss him, and well thats where it all started…

Laughter and joy filled out smiles and love filled our hearts. You know that type of love that makes you crazy in a good way, like you always seem to smile and be happy even if the world is about to fall into a black hole, love makes you feel as if nothing was wrong. well that was our love, it was a roller coaster that only got faster. You could even feel the love we had for each other while we were sitting across from each other in a room and i know because id hear it too many times through out the relationship. Even had this one old man come up to us once and say it was beautiful to see out young love in this society. We would wake up so early in the morning and get in the car and go anywhere, the beach then at night the drive in. we wouldnt care where we were going as long as we were together. I swear he would look at me and see his future in my eyes because the look he would sent chills down my spin, it was as if i could feel his soul. We become so close we understood each other without words, all we needed was a face to know how the other felt or was thinking, we even started to finish each others sentences and it was kind of creepy at first but it was amazing how two can become one. Truth was i wasn’t just in love with him because he made me laugh and smile more than i could ever, a side from that he took care of me when i couldn’t smile.

Don’t get me wrong I’m a happy person, but at one point I wasn’t and he knew that but he still chose to love me through it. There were days i could not get up, and this lasted for months, I told him to leave, it was better off that way but instead he made a promise to me. He came every day after school, would wash me, dress me, feed me and hold me while i stared off into nothing for hours. He would call me when he got home after seeing me and would stay on the phone all night, sleeping on the phone until he had to go out for school. He didn’t do this because we were toxic nor did it because he was scared id leave if he didn’t. HE simply did it because love makes you do the most, and he did. On days id feel better and go to school he would take me, and be there if i wanted to go home or if I just wanted him next to me.

I can go on about how many amazing things he did, but its a list on them. He really cared for me and that I will never deny because even to this day he is there for me when i need him. But like most teenage loves, it wasn’t meant to last. I want this post to be about more of the beautiful things I experienced with him but I will post about the down falls as well later on. Never the less even when there were those odd rocky moments in the relationship he would always makeup for it and make the biggest effort.

Leaving flowers, chocolate and my favorite candy on the door step for when I got home, or making dinner for me and surprising me with it, even buying me clothing and the things I needed, he even once bought me a promise ring to show me he loved me that much because it was out of no where. He was crazy in love and it was obvious to the world. I thought it was beautiful, a man l who loves his woman so much he can not hide it, nor does he want to. He used to say “let the world know i love you this much and more” and honestly that’s how it felt, as if the world knew the amount of love he held for me in his heart. He taught me that actions are louder than words and how I should be treated, I know for a fact I wouldn’t let a man treat me wrong now because I know what its like to be treated right.

The most unexpected, crazy and life lesson was my best friend and my lover all in one. He was my other half and the one to hold me up when I was down. Love is a feeling that can not be explained and its all i have explained and more, the feeling is deeper than words can describe and I guess that’s why humans crave it so much, we feen it so much and search for it hoping to get this sense of fulfillment when its not an other human that makes you whole, in fact no one can make you feel whole except yourself. Its the skills, attributes and perfections another human makes visible to your eyes that you couldn’t see before they were there, and that’s what makes you feel whole knowing the amazing things about yourself that you have created because they didn’t give these skills, attributes or perfections to you, you did. He taught me that and it kept me sane when we ended to think those things he found beautiful don’t just leave when he does, I guess that’s why i needed him as my best friend as well as a love.

Here’s to the one best friend I fell in love with